Change: Looking Back at a Key Moment In Mine

from my journal: February 11, 2013 It's a late Sunday night in February, and I've returned from another Hollywood Industry Awards show. Tonight, I heard dull remarks and passionless accolades. I recoiled at film clips that were filled with explosive, heartless, gun pointing violence. One of the few conversations I had was with a preeminent camera operator (he's done the last dozen Spielberg movies) who told me he's leaving next week to go to Canada for three [...]

By |2019-02-23T06:26:35+00:00February 8th, 2019|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Halloween: A Good Day to Reflect on Fear

Halloween is a perfect excuse to look at fear and how it might be scaring us from living fully into our potential. We are talking about psychological fear, not instinctual, "get me out of here before that tiger has me for lunch" fear. There are two instances when psychological fear shows up in most of us: 1. When things suddenly change: The end of a relationship, getting fired from a job, and moving are 3 biggies. 2. When [...]

By |2019-02-23T06:34:42+00:00October 31st, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Victimhood, What Has It Done For You Lately?

We've all been victimized and suffered the pain of it. There comes a point at which we must move on. Victimhood does not excuse living the rest of our life in a position of weakness. The Victim's lament is "Poor me!" The Victim feels oppressed, helpless, hopeless,powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. Colin C. Tipping in his book, Radical Forgiveness: Making Room for the Miracle writes, “Victim Consciousness is defined as the conviction [...]

By |2018-10-08T03:44:56+00:00October 8th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Triangulation – Let the Games Begin!

In the late 60's, Stephen Karpman, M.D. came up with a way to graphically display destructive interaction that can occur between people in conflict. The Karpman Drama Triangle describes the kind of crazy-making dynamics that we often see taking place in the workplace and in family relationships.It starts when two people enter into conflict. Two people going at it usually take on the role of Persecutor or Victim without even realizing it. In dysfunctional relationships, people assume the roles, trade [...]

By |2019-02-23T04:57:38+00:00July 30th, 2017|Blog, Uncategorized|0 Comments

How to Leave Your Comfort Zone

For most of us, deciding to make a change in life is a decision to leave our Comfort Zone: We sell our house and move to another state; we say "yes" to a committed relationship, we quit our job or accept a promotion with new responsibilities. Sometimes without consultation,  life simply boots us out of the Comfort Zone: We get fired; someone who "wasn't supposed to" dies; an unplanned birth turns you into a parent. Consider how many “disasters” in [...]

By |2019-02-23T07:19:40+00:00May 23rd, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Baseball and Lessons On Becoming a Real Man

My son, Elliot, had just turned three. And I began to consider my fatherly duty to teach him how to be a man. Actually, his mother said, "Hey, it's your fatherly duty to teach him how to be a man!" I had only a vague notion of what being a man meant, much less how to teach it. Guys watching sports together was a bonding ritual I'd seen, maybe we'd start there. At that age, Elliot had a beautiful [...]

By |2019-02-09T06:45:29+00:00May 8th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

The Power of Emotion to See mySelf

Yesterday, Vickie and I watched Tony Robbins' 2006 TED talk. I'd seen it before, but this time, I wanted Vicke to analyze it, give me her insight as a professional speaker about Robbins' technique. At one point, Robbins talks about the power of emotion in calling people forward. "Emotion is the force of life." Al Gore is in the audience, and Robbins says to him (regarding Gore's effectiveness in the 2000 presidential debates), "I believe that with emotion, you would [...]

By |2017-04-27T22:39:24+00:00April 27th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Changing the World Is An Inside Job

As each day goes by, it becomes more clear: THE MOST POWERFUL means at my disposal to create change in the world is - to BE the change. It's an inside job. It's not about convincing "them," or changing "it." If I want the world to be a certain way (loving, compassionate, safe, pro-active, fearless, free, etc.), then I must do the work on any issues WITHIN ME that keep me from being loving, compassionate, safe, pro-active, fearless, free, etc.. I have to [...]

By |2017-03-25T08:55:13+00:00March 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Val Kilmer and I Go Deep

  A month later, the production coordinator from Long Gone called me to work on another HBO film, The Man Who Broke 1000 Chains, featuring Val Kilmer in one of his first starring roles. Kilmer was very aloof on set. I don't know whether it was part of his process as an actor, or a symptom of something else, but he remained very  much in his own world. I don't believe he ever looked me directly in the eyes. An odd occurrence when [...]

By |2017-02-25T08:35:17+00:00February 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Meet My Trigger

All of us, every day are triggered; we have an emotional reaction to a person, event or circumstance. Most people know when they're upset, but very few know that they've been triggered. Instead, they blame the person, event or circumstance for "making me feel this way," when in reality their upsetting feeling is coming from inside; it's been there for a long time and is now coming into awareness. So I'm here to share one of my triggers. It's really simple; [...]

By |2016-12-23T21:40:46+00:00December 23rd, 2016|Blog, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Trump’s Victory: A Nation Unwilling to Face Feelings

"(In our culture) pain is not acceptable...The message is, 'You have a right to not have any pain, so take whatever you need to numb it.' Since wisdom and maturity come from facing pain and learning from it, I believe we are a nation of very immature people who don't have the willingness to experience the pain that leads to authentic wisdom." - Pia Mellody, Facing Codependence: What it is, Where it comes from, How it sabotages our lives There [...]

By |2016-11-24T00:10:18+00:00November 24th, 2016|Blog, Uncategorized|0 Comments

… and the Wisdom to Know the Difference

Grant me the serenity  to accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. The Serenity Prayer,  26 words that summarize the challenge I face each day. An all-purpose intention for ease and grace. A spiritual map for navigating the unknown. It's an appeal to a higher power for acceptance, courage and wisdom, three qualities that reside in my heart. Three qualities that all too often [...]

By |2019-02-21T12:45:02+00:00October 20th, 2016|Blog, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Surviving a Micromanager – Without Doing Jail Time, Part 2

Having dealt with the emotional upset triggered by a micromanaging boss, the next course of action is to ask: Am I the only one being micromanaged or are all the people working for this person getting the same treatment? If the answer is, it's only me, then it's time to look at where you can improve what you do and how you do it. That could mean showing up five minutes earlier every day or communicating with your boss differently. Ask co-workers for feedback [...]

By |2016-09-25T06:51:39+00:00September 25th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Approval Seeking: DON’T Try This At Work!

One of the biggest threats to successful, creative collaborations is a behavior that might be confused with the the desire to be seen - the desire for approval or approval seeking.  I will be able to feel good about myself, only if  I can get them to like me,  is a core belief of the approval seeker. Unfortunately, people who continually seek approval suck the energy out of any collaboration whether it's a film crew, a friendship, or a love relationship with another person. [...]

By |2019-02-23T03:48:06+00:00September 24th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Surviving a Micromanager – Without Doing Jail Time, Part 1

I was a camera operator on a television show known for its visual style, a  style characterized by a camera that never stopped moving.  "Hypnotic eye candy," I called it, "dished out to keep the audience from realizing how dismal the writing and performances are." You can see, for starters, I had a slight attitude problem. While there, I served under a director of photography (DP) who micromanaged. I had never done well with controllers, and this was no exception. The [...]

By |2019-01-26T20:27:08+00:00September 6th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Integrity: The Devil Is In the Details

Google "definition of integrity."  Skip the first definition, the one that has morality attached to it. The second definition says: integrity: the state of being whole and undivided synonyms: unity, coherence, cohesion, togetherness, solidarity example: The integrity of the roof depended on the quality of the nails joining the rafters to the beams.  When I was growing up, integrity was a concept usually described in judgmental terms. You were "good" if you had integrity and "bad" if you didn't. I decided that integrity was a word used [...]

By |2016-08-21T21:56:34+00:00August 21st, 2016|Blog, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Garry Marshall’s Use of LSD

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, 1998. I’m the “A” camera operator on the movie Runaway Bride starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. During the lunch break, the crew stages their own Thanksgiving Day Parade. Per the director’s wishes, each department on the crew has been given the assignment to create a float. The most memorable float is assembled by the onset special effects department. Their centerpiece: a nicely broiled, whole chicken stuffed with small explosives, which they detonate as their float [...]

By |2019-01-26T20:14:20+00:00July 17th, 2016|Blog, Industry Tales|0 Comments

Today I have a choice

Today I have a choice: I can live in the ego-world of dualities, of "rights" and "wrongs," of "goods" and "bads" that color my thoughts, emotions, and experiences. I can wade through the muck of a regretful past or the fear of an imagined future. I can hold on to false identities I've created about myself that separate me from everyone and everything.  If I do, my day will be an endless string of judgments, most of them self-critical, confining, [...]

By |2016-05-25T08:13:32+00:00May 25th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

“You do helicopter, right?”

The good news was: I was a newly minted camera operator in IATSE local 600. The less-than good news was: I had achieved this by working for seven months on Anything for Money, a videotape show. Unless I was careful, I risked becoming known as a video operator. There was a huge gulf between camera operators known for their video skills and operators of film cameras. The prestige went to the film camera operators; they got to work on movies [...]

By |2016-03-21T00:28:05+00:00March 21st, 2016|Blog, Industry Tales, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Rather than stick needles in my eyes – I become a camera assistant.

My goal coming out of film school was to be a director of photography. The traditional route to becoming a director photography was to work as an assistant.  A camera assistant's job involves knowing the nuts, bolts and electronics of a variety of cameras, lenses, filters and accessories that work with the cameras. On set, when a piece of camera equipment stops working, all eyes turn to the camera assistant whose job is to fix it or replace it as [...]

By |2016-02-25T07:50:57+00:00February 25th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Consciousness – Who’s Running the Show?

I recently watched a presentation by Bruce Lipton Ph.D., author of The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, & Miracles. In it he drew a fascinating picture of the human brain and how it develops. Lipton described the pre-frontal cortex, a region that occupies about 10% of our total brain mass. In terms of evolution, It is the most recent addition to the human brain. The pre-frontal cortex is involved in creativity, complex cognitive behavior, personality expression, [...]

By |2015-10-26T19:29:51+00:00October 26th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Love Is In the Air…and Limiting Beliefs Too

“If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?” — W. Somerset Maugham It being nuptial season, I attended a beautiful wedding recently. At the reception, the best man rose to make the obligatory toast to the bride and groom. Raising his glass, he said, "There are three kinds of rings... the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. And for those of you, like me, in a long term marriage, you know [...]

By |2015-06-27T08:40:02+00:00June 27th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Showing Up For Yourself

I was once hired to work on a film as a camera operator and the second unit director photography. My immediate supervisor was the director photography on the main unit - I'll call him Jason. Beginning day one of filming,  Jason drew me into in a series of conversations  that were either critical, patronizing, or confusing. When he was on his game, he could pack all three into the same conversation. He gave me zero positive feedback. Instead, he told me the [...]

By |2015-05-25T00:35:49+00:00May 25th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Gnawing Discomfort & The Most Important Financial Advice You’ll Ever Get

This year, 2015, has been a challenging year for me. I'm not surprised. I knew it would be when I decided to make changes regarding my career, my relationship and my living situation - all at once. The year has brought a roller coaster ride of triggering upsets. This week it was as though I was allowed to rise above the chaos for a breather, a chance to pause. When I did, I realized how much of this year has been gnawingly uncomfortable. This week I also read this passage [...]

By |2015-05-23T08:46:09+00:00May 23rd, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments